I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
