What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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