first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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