Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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