do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
