I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
