Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
