i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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