Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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