dude i'm inner monologue high
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
