broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
