bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
