then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
