i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
