Texts From Last Night

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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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  (712): I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up. http://tfl.nu/k85m
  Replies (14) Good night (4431) Bad night (1359)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

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  (201): You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/vn8h
  Replies (12) Good night (3459) Bad night (1022)
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  (949): View more from California

  dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat

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  (949): dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat http://tfl.nu/yghv
  Replies (18) Good night (4685) Bad night (532)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'

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  (484): I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock' http://tfl.nu/bqqm
  Replies (12) Good night (4764) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview

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  (731): i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview http://tfl.nu/woj8
  Replies (22) Good night (3972) Bad night (1290)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach

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  (506): Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach http://tfl.nu/g758
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (6793)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.

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  (705): I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife. http://tfl.nu/i9np
  Replies (13) Good night (3902) Bad night (1006)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic

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  (701): I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/cgi2
  Replies (3) Good night (2102) Bad night (1574)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?

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  (508): wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer? http://tfl.nu/zgl0
  Replies (11) Good night (1292) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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  (508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9
  Replies (6) Good night (2111) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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  (405): It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/3wue
  Replies (2) Good night (907) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins

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  (304): "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins http://tfl.nu/eetx
  Replies (1) Good night (1254) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry my hands just texted you

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  (613): Sorry my hands just texted you http://tfl.nu/r5db
  Replies (4) Good night (1096) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.

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  (337): He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked. http://tfl.nu/vhc3
  Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.

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  (607): Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend. http://tfl.nu/8rh6
  Replies (3) Good night (176) Bad night (447)

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