I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.