Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low

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  (704): so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low http://tfl.nu/2nm4
  Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (1612)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
  Replies (27) Good night (1222) Bad night (2690)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

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  (570): Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage. http://tfl.nu/7s6f
  Replies (12) Good night (4450) Bad night (1046)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.

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  (314): It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage. http://tfl.nu/ccnt
  Replies (13) Good night (2706) Bad night (1422)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night

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  (561): Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night http://tfl.nu/h2y4
  Replies (6) Good night (2652) Bad night (785)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

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  (906): It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar. (1-906): Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill. http://tfl.nu/e2gb
  Replies (8) Good night (1570) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...

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  (250): Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night... http://tfl.nu/bamz
  Replies (9) Good night (507) Bad night (1265)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ

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  (902): how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ http://tfl.nu/dj5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1268) Bad night (513)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas

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  (740): I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas http://tfl.nu/8zhl
  Replies (3) Good night (2005) Bad night (739)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.

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  (281): I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman. http://tfl.nu/ux8x
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.

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  (704): I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/63zf
  Replies (3) Good night (683) Bad night (334)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"

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  (630): At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!" http://tfl.nu/yo6b
  Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick

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  (215): He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick http://tfl.nu/9d7z
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'

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  (303): IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN' http://tfl.nu/e3tp
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (186)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?

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  (713): I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz? http://tfl.nu/17pr
  Replies (2) Good night (214) Bad night (374)

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