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My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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