my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
