What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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