Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
