My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
