and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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