Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
