dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
