After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
