Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
