Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
