We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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