totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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