Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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