let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
