Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
