I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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