i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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