I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
