it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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