Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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