if you like me you must not know who I am
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
