That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
