There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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