it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do herpes really smell.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
