Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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