is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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