You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
