I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize