you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize