oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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