oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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