I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
