This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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