Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your penis caused this!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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