I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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