My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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