I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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