That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
