I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
