I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
