is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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