His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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