I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
