i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
