I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
