I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
