you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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