i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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